And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I AM VODKA MAN
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
