Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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