my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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