You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
