just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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