i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
