amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
