Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
