It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
