the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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