it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
