i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
