your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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