Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
