my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
BRING THE BAGELS
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I love you. Go after that dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
