Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
