I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
