Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
