This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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