The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
