Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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