shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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