Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
