hell yes lets make some ravioli
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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