So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize