you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i came on her dog
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
