party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
