i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
