This is not my ceiling
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize