i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
