I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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