I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
