And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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