fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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