i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
