nut hugger
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
