He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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