They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
