i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
