my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
