i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
