Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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