He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
