Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
