Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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