Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
