I can text with my tongue
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
