called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
