Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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