Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
