So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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