I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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