There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He did a backflip because drugs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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