I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
