I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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