I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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