I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize