He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
