you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
