I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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