for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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