My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
