made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
