SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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