you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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