I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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