So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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