belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
