all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
