I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
