I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
