he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
