come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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