It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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